Bishop Otis Charles on Gay Unions and Marriage

Sea Change: When Same-Sex Marriages Became Acceptable

From Atlanta to Seattle, in towns large and small, families are gathering in church for the wedding of a daughter, son, brother, sister, father, mother, grandmother, grandfather, aunt, or uncle. For one with limited vision it would all sound very familiar, until the minister presiding spoke that time honored question at the center of every marriage ceremony.

With increasing frequency it is not uncommon to hear: "Do you Jim take this man...?"; "Do you Tanya take this woman...?" And with those words you know everything is the same and everything is different.

I've found myself asking, "When did the blessing of same-sex unions become acceptable in the Episcopal Church?" "When did it all begin--this extraordinary "sea change"--gay marriage? This is an exploration of that change.

In the course of events there are defining moments. Occasionally, they are so obvious you can't miss what's happening. The dismantling of the Berlin Wall, for example. The moment is recognized for what it is: the beginning of a great sea change--even given a name: perestroika.

Sometimes defining moments are noisy, tumultuous unwelcome, noted and unrecognized for what they are--even dismissed. Stonewall, for instance.

More often, defining moments appear to be just another item in the days news.

As with sea changes, it's frequently difficult to determine which swell of the ocean rolling onto the beach marked the beginning of the change.

When did it all begin--this amazing sea change that like all great shifts has been given a name--gay marriage?

Was it with the picture of the Rev. Barry Stopfel and his spouse, Will Leckie, on the front page of the May 16, 1996 New York Times? Or December 3, 1996 when circuit court judge Kevin Chang declared Hawaii's ban on same-sex marriages to be unconstitutional under state law. Was it the 1995 publication of Andrew Sullivan's Virtually Normal? Was it 1990, when Joseph Millio and Patrick Lagon--along with two lesbian couples, Tammy Rodrigues and Antoinette Pregil, and Ninia Baeher and Genora Dancel--were denied a marriage license in Hawaii and decided to sue the state? These events, and so many others, are part of an extraordinary global shift in the practice of marriage but they are not defining moments.

From an Episcopal and Anglican perspective the defining moment was Report No. 5 of the 1958 Lambeth Conference of Anglican Bishops, "The Family in Contemporary Society."

In the words of the bishops, "Husbands and wives owe to each other...to express, in sexual intercourse, the love which they bear and mean to bear to each other. Sexual intercourse is ... the most intimate and the most revealing [language of earthly love]... [I]t is a giving and receiving in the unity of two free spirits which is in itself good... [T]herefore it is utterly wrong to urge that... sexual intercourse ought not to be engaged in except with the willing intention to procreate children."

Succinctly, "[P]rocreation of children is not the only purpose of marriage."

This is the shift. We witness the effect: the marriage of gays and lesbians; the visible self-assurance of gay and lesbian families.

Not surprisingly, resistance to the consequences is emotional and extensive. President Clinton eagerly signed the Defense of Marriage Act.

Seventeen states have rushed to say "Whatever Hawaii may do, we will not recognize same-gender marriages."

Bishop Walter Righter was charged with heretical teaching because he ordained a gay man in a spousal relationship with another man. The court denied the charges but the accusers will certainly seek to make their case at the General Convention of the Episcopal Church this July.

In San Francisco, Archbishop Levada could not accept domestic partnerships: "The City is asking us to expand benefits to a category that we believe we should not have to recognize," he said in an interview with The Examiner. "It creates an unacceptable condition for us. ...[Domestic partners] are placed in an equivalency of marriage." In the end there was a compromise--"spousal-equivalent benefits."

The debate will continue: What is marriage?

Many who are absolutely committed to the end of injustice and abuse of gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered people are equally unequivocal in reserving use of the term marriage for heterosexual couples.

Last October, the convention of the Diocese of California, adopted a resolution requesting that General Convention of the Episcopal Church authorize its Standing Liturgical Commission to prepare text(s) for the Blessing of Same-Gender Unions. Earlier in July a national consultation began preparation of a "Rite for the Celebration to a Life Together." In April, All Saints', Pasadena, is mounting a national conference and prelude to General Convention, Beyond Inclusion.

And the debate will continue: "What is marriage?" The conclusion is in the eye of the beholder. As John Boswell pointed out in Same-Sex Unions in Premodern Europe, what constitutes a marriage is what the beholder observes: two men or two women stand together, join hands, give a verbal expression of consent, bestow a kiss, provide a wedding feast, and those going through the receiving line congratulate them on their marriage even though the couple assiduously avoided using the term.

Otis Charles is the former Executive Director and a current member of the Board of Directors of Oasis/California, the gay and lesbian ministry of the Episcopal Diocese of California. He is the 8^th Bishop of Utah; was the Executive Secretary of Associated Parishes; and at the time of his retirement was the Dean and President of Episcopal Divinity School. This article was written for the inauguration of the Oasis/California web site. The mission of Oasis/California is to celebrate gay and lesbian life and advocate justice for lesbian and gay people.

Contact Oasis/California by e-mail at admin@oasiscalifornia.org, by phone at (415) 522-0222, or by fax at (415) 522-1198.